Eternal Postponing

9 months in this motherhood gig and only a post about breastfeeding not going well at the beginning. Gosh, motherhood does suck you in.

Although, in my case, I’m not sure if it’s fair to put all the blame on motherhood. I do spend a lot of my time scrolling on Instagram and (still) on Facebook (I know, weird, but all the mum groups are there and I find them either useful or amusing to scroll through) which is kind of pointless at times. But damn, does it feel good.

But I need to start focusing properly on creating something.

I’m sorry that today’s post is just a brain dump on how I’m feeling frustrated with myself. But that’s also what life is about.. I keep on postponing writing posts and creating videos for YouTube and regretting that I haven’t started it yet, but not doing much to change something about it.

And I think I always do it out of fear. Fear that it won’t be good enough. Fear that no one will like it. Or fear that I can’t make it happen in a timely manner.

When I think of writing I always think of writing something useful, something meaningful, something consistent and insightful. But then time passes and nothing happens and I look back and it’s been 3 years since I started having all these ideas of things to share. But only have a small number of them came out and actually materialised!

I’m sure there’s a lot of people out there feeling exactly the same. People that just like me keep postponing dreams and changes they want to do in their life. I don’t have an answer for you. Because I myself keep promising I will make a change and the change never comes. There’s always something else going on that I get distracted with. Whether that’d be chores around the house or plans with friends or simply (and more often than not) the internet. And with a baby around with his own “plans” that I need to follow makes it even harder to change!

But I want that change. So tonight I will start with setting a goal. Which is always so frightening as I’m always worried I’ll fail. But I will do my best.

And my 1st goal, is to write at least a post a week and post it on Thursdays. Whether that is a “proper” post or a brain-dump just like this one. 1st one done. See you next week.

Hug,
Millia

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