I have a baby!
I keep repeating this out loud every now and then. It simply feels quite surreal that I have created a baby! In my belly! #saywhat
It’s now been almost three months and honestly, I have been wanting to write about the whole experience (pregnancy, labour, post pregnancy) but so far it’s been so overwhelming that I keep postponing writing for the blog. When not caring for my baby, or out and about, I sincerely just want to rest. Whether that is by sleeping or being on my phone chatting to my fellow mum friends and my family (who unfortunately are based in Portugal), getting distracted with a stupid game I’m addicted to or watching some videos/series online.
But let’s finally get down to business.
Pregnancy was frankly a good easy one. Of course, I say this and yet I had to deal with some worrying moments. And despite it all, he stayed in until he was 41 weeks and I had to be induced. All in all, I have a very positive experience: no morning sickness, no trouble sleeping and a good end of pregnancy where I listened to my body and was able to rest as much as I needed to. But more on that on a dedicated post.
First thoughts on having a baby
So far the experience has been wildly positive. I do feel quite chilled about it most of the time. I love my baby (despite not having felt that overwhelming love at first sight) and I’ve been sleeping fairly OK – not great, but OK.
There’s loads of ups and downs. Some days you feel totally in charge, super relaxed about everything. Then on other days you’re worried about whether they’re feeding enough or sleeping enough or reaching their milestones. Some days you’re just exhausted because the night or day was too demanding. And then on other days you’re super chuffed about that little bundle of joy that you call your own.
There’s also the those hormones and those thoughts. Bloody hormones and those damn thoughts!
I don’t think I have been affected too much by hormones (same in pregnancy) but I’m sure they play their part in making me stress out.
The hardest thing for me to deal with though, are those really bad thoughts. Not having had postpartum depression, or baby blues, I wouldn’t think I’d have them. They don’t linger (if they do, please search for support), but when you’re exhausted they do come up. There’s also less of them over time, but they do come up. You feel terrible for letting them come to your mind and yet you have no control over them.
And my advice on that is: do say them out loud to your partner or to someone you trust. They need to know they exist to help you should they linger or come up too often. Fortunately for me they don’t and I’m aware of them so I can force myself not to let them stay.
Not that hard and yet not that easy
So, baby Dinis was born and these almost three months have been fairly lovely! Obviously our thoughts were way more high spirited after the first month than they are after the third one, as we were not as tired then as we are now, but we are loving it! He is healthy and adorable and the tasks in themselves are fairly easy to do.
I am also (well, me and baby Dinis are) very lucky as my husband is a freelancer and is taking time off to help with everything. His support on that first month was crucial.
But despite the tasks being fairly easy (feeding him, changing him, talking to him, watching him sleep, giving him a bath) it gets tiring to do them every day, several times a day (for most tasks).
Also, no matter how well you consider to be sleeping (I was fairly happy with waking up at 1am, 4am, 7am, 10 am and only getting up at 1pm for the first month) it gets to a point where you start feeling tired and you start struggling with the continuous lack of sleep. Even though he’s changed to waking up at 1am, 5am and then we get up at 9am by the second month – which was an improvement and (not to brag) but not that bad at all, and lately he started doing some stretches of 5/6 hours, it still exhausts you.
And on top of these normal struggles, breastfeeding has been one of the biggest challenges in my life – I am getting a whole post written about this. A challenge I’m overcoming! But still a challenge.
But the parents you know are not lying: the good of having a kid is way bigger than the bad.
It’s going as fast as everyone said it would and I don’t regret this decision, not even for a second.
Welcome my love, baby Dinis!!!